[Gra-ach]

“He was going to live forever, or die in the attempt.”
— Joseph Heller From Catch-22

It's hard to call this quote a wisdom saying, it's more like a humorous saying   

[Gra-ach]

The other day I was unsuccesfully trying to park a car and my instructor said that I don't look blond. To which I replied that I was when I was born and it apperently stayed as a trait sometimes So I'm curious which degree of blond am I

7 degrees of blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ..'

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'   

[Gra-ach]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete ... how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women ... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment ... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' ... know how to make them truly happy ... " The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"   

[Gra-ach]

Three men came to New York for a holiday. They came to a very large hotel and took a room there. Their room was on the forty-fifth floor. In the evening friends went to the theatre and came back to the hotel very late. "I'm very sorry," said the clerk of the hotel, "but the lifts do not work tonight. If you don't want to walk up to your room, we shall make beds for you in the hall." "No, no," said one of the friends, "no, thank you. We don't want to sleep in the hall. We shall walk up to our room." Then he turned to his friends and said: "It's not easy to walk up to the forty-fifth floor, but we shall make it easier. On the way to the room I shall tell you some jokes; then you, Andy, will sing us some songs; then you, Peter, will tell us some interesting stories." So they began walking up to their room. Tom told them many jokes; Andy sang some songs. At last they came to the thirty-sixth floor. They were tired and decided to have a rest. "Well," said Tom, "now it's your turn, Peter. After all the jokes, I would like to hear a sad story. Tell us a long and interesting story with a sad end." "The story which I'm going to tell you," said Peter, "is sad enough. We left the key to our room in the hall."   

[Gra-ach]

I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.   

[Haveunique]

http://s2.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/2f61a377-9f98-472d-8b3a-6325a21b8961.gif when you are hinted what the mistake is and you still cannot see it   

[Haveunique]

When kung fu is confused with something different http://s1.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/d5ffe08a-0f21-478b-ae35-eea736fd9a6b.gif   

[Haveunique]

Watching video-lessons http://s2.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/d55851e4-3546-4303-80c5-57d669d221b1.gif
The feeling of learning new skills: http://s1.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/10026b27-906f-41c1-9fa1-4d2998eae823.gif
Making decisions and realizing them in a fast-paced environment: http://s2.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/bc45810d-bc73-42eb-9f53-a0f6db593446.gif
When something is cool and you tell others: http://s1.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/c5e947ac-fc1d-4586-bd0c-69afd8a5b80a.gif   

[Валентина Слободянюк]

Thank you Tanya!)) this site is great, thank you!))   

[Gra-ach]

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss yelled after her: "...And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"   

[Gra-ach]

Safe Fax:

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax strangers every day.

Q. My parents said that they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think one should be before they fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something, will I go blind?
A. Certainly not, as far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay for fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their need to fax becomes too great.

Q. Should I always use a cover when faxing?
A. Unless you're really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover sheet should be used to insure safe fax.

Q. What happens when I incorrectly do the procedure, and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people prematurely fax when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over. Most people won't mind if you try again!

Q. I have a personal, and a business, fax. Can transmissions be mixed up?
A. That can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover sheet with each and every one, you won't transmit anything that you are not supposed to.   

[Haveunique]

Валя писал(а):

Thank you Tanya!)) this site is great, thank you!))

It is! Welcome
Hidden treasures: http://s1.developerslife.ru/public/images/gifs/f04c6e52-f0f6-447d-b23e-0441e52faf79.gif   

[Gra-ach]

Screw it - my final thought before making most decisions.


Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics.   

[Gra-ach]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

'Go get your Mother'   

[Gra-ach]

WHY ATHLETES DON'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3 And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.''

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

Ah, but they ride to the bank in a Mercedes...