[Procyona]

Funny, because it's true   

[Илья]

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up? " So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up? " And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs? "

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow! " exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up! " And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on? " So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.   

[Haveunique]

Nice

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives Store
just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

  

[Gra-ach]

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page.

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid.

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage.

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams.

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half.

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet.

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand...

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands!

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.   

[Haveunique]

Q12 is particularly evocative   

[Gra-ach]

And s'more

  

[Fanda]

Also bears are kung fu fighting!   

[Fanda]

Who remember that movie? One of the biggest masters there was smoking aaaaaallllllll the time   

[Haveunique]

Must've been made in those times when smoking was still considered to be prestigious...   

[Gra-ach]

A little girl asked her mother:
"Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied: "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments
and asked:
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"   

[Gra-ach]

THE PLACES I'VE BEEN

I have been in many places, but I've rarely been in Cahoots.

Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close so it's a short drive.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am inVincible but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been there before!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there.

So far, I haven't been in Continent; but my travel agent says I'll be going soon.   

[Gra-ach]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't clean up your act,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me about JUSTICE -
"One day you will have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like YOU..
THEN you'll see what it's like."

MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"

MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER
"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"

MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would
you listen then?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

And most of all.....
MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"   

[Gra-ach]

Just nice picture with Wooden Dummy

  

[Fanda]

CAT and CAT   

[Gra-ach]

You Know You're a Mom When...

- You automatically double knot everything you tie.

- You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

- You hear a baby cry in the grocery store and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

- You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

- You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

- You get so into crafts that you contemplate writing a book called "101 Fun Crafts To Do With Dryer Lint and Eggshells."

- You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head"?

- You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak.