Humor
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Иван
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Зарегистрирован: 24.02.2010 Сообщения: 2170
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Добавлено: 20.12.2012, 00:09 Заголовок сообщения: Humor |
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Some humor ;)
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Художник
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Добавлено: 20.12.2012, 10:25 Заголовок сообщения: |
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LOL)
nice stuff)   _________________ {per aspera ad astra}
Be water,my friend.   |
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Haveunique Instructor
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Fanda
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Добавлено: 15.02.2013, 13:04 Заголовок сообщения: Humor? |
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This is one of the most important topic in our lives but nobody is making a posts here, so I decided to change it!!!!   |
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Procyona
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Добавлено: 15.02.2013, 22:44 Заголовок сообщения: |
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Good point Fanda, humour is an powerful tool indeed. And that baby really looks like it's prepared to hop onto someone and steal their candy   _________________ "As you think, so shall you become." - Bruce Lee
"Have fun, do good, and the money will come." - Richard Branson
"Believe in yourself. Keep writing." - Neil Gaiman   |
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Илья
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Добавлено: 25.02.2013, 00:17 Заголовок сообщения: |
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A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here! "
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here! "
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde. "
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm Sorry, " and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."   |
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Gra-ach
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Зарегистрирован: 08.11.2011 Сообщения: 3336
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Добавлено: 25.02.2013, 11:37 Заголовок сообщения: |
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How do these people survive?
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I
don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly....
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay
down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the
way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to
emergency!'
Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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Gra-ach
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Добавлено: 25.02.2013, 11:40 Заголовок сообщения: |
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Several more funny pictures   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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Haveunique Instructor
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Зарегистрирован: 14.07.2010 Сообщения: 3815
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Добавлено: 25.02.2013, 12:34 Заголовок сообщения: |
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Thanks, Ira! =)
Top Chuck Norris jokes for everyone's perusal
23.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names.
22.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21.
Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.
20.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
19.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
18.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
17.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
16.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - three times.
15.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
14.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.
13.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
12.
Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
11.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
10.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
9.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
8.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
7.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
6.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
4.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
3.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.
2.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
1.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.   _________________ Не пытайся - делай.
Try not, do.
http://ouluwingchun.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/TraditionalWingChunOulu   |
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Gra-ach
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Добавлено: 27.02.2013, 17:05 Заголовок сообщения: |
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1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. (AMEN to that.)
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. (hehehehehe)
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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Gra-ach
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This is alarming
Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!!   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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Fanda
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Добавлено: 28.02.2013, 11:16 Заголовок сообщения: Humor never ends! |
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Kung fu panda is everywhere, careful about rabbits and keep proper distance of dangerous T-shirts!   |
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Haveunique Instructor
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Gra-ach
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Well, accidents do happen sometimes   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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Gra-ach
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This happens a lot   _________________ What doesn't destroy me, makes me stronger. - F. Nietzshe
Your life is yours alone, rise up and live it! - T. Goodkind
May you live every day of your life. - J. Swift   |
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